


commit to memory

by vaporstretch



Series: commit to memory [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Awkward Kissing, Awkward Romance, First Love, M/M, Mutual Pining, SakuAtsu, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, they're stupid and just really in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:16:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27160322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vaporstretch/pseuds/vaporstretch
Summary: Sakusa doesn't go for it like Atsumu had nervously anticipated, heart wild like a thunderstorm against his ribcage. Instead he pulls back a fraction of an inch before finally landing a soft kiss on the corner of Atsumu's mouth."Was that okay?" Sakusa asks him after pulling back.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Series: commit to memory [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1983235
Comments: 14
Kudos: 464





	commit to memory

**Author's Note:**

> *newly added note*
> 
> hello! so thoughts have been thunked and i'm officially planning on turning this into a series. i'm really enjoying the idea of awkward and shy sakuatsu and how they're going to maneuver their relationship so uhhhh yeah expect a pt 2 at some point. cross your fingers that i'll still have enough brain power to write subsequent parts lol.
> 
> anyway, i'm on twitter so i guess follow me for updates and whatnot https://twitter.com/vaporstretch__

It is a gospel truth that the two prominent constants in Miya Atsumu's life are volleyball and his twin brother. He enjoys the simplicity of this fact, this lifestyle of fervently indulging in the sport he loves like a wildfire, and of being best friends with a sibling who pokes fun at him and taunts him the way all siblings do. 

Occasionally he would dip his toes in other boyish wiles during his adolescent and teen years--video games and the camaraderie of other boys his age. But it all continues to boil down to the fact that it's uncomplicated. The life of one Miya Atsumu has not expanded considerably into a tangled web of emotions that do not necessarily have anything to do with volleyball. After all, his heart and soul has been violently snatched by the sport, and he's more than willing to continue to drown himself in it. It's all he knows. It's all he will ever know.

However Atsumu is now 22 years-old and for the first time in his life, things have gotten particularly complicated.

"Are you okay?" Sakusa asks him, his eyes still glued to the laptop where a Japanese indie film is playing and is already beginning to reach its climax.

Atsumu realizes he's been spacing out. He blinks a few times before turning to his boyfriend of three months and flashes him a playful grin. "If I tell you I'm not, what would you do?"

Sakusa spares him a glance the length of a single heartbeat before he refocuses completely back to the movie. "I'd tell you to go back to your room and sleep instead."

The female lead in the movie has finally been reunited with the male lead. They're holding onto each other, desperate and needy. Atsumu briefly entertains a similar reality between him and Sakusa, but it's so absurd and embarrassing he finds himself snickering at the thought.

"I'm guessing you're feigning discomfort," Sakusa shifts in his seat. They're both on Sakusa's bed and the laptop is placed on a stand which they've positioned in front of them. The mattress, stripped of any bedding and Sakusa's deep blue duvet, is soft and occasionally either of the young men would find themselves sinking into it.

"The movie's pretty cliche in the end after all," Atsumu remarks, ignoring entirely Sakusa's earlier comment. "I would have been impressed if one of them died."

"That wouldn't make any narrative sense," Sakusa deadpans. 

Atsumu sees an opportunity to push his boyfriend's buttons. "Don't tell me you're actually a romantic, Omi-kun."

The retort prompts Sakusa to furrow his eyebrows at Atsumu. "And what made you infer that from my statement?"

"C'mon," Atsumu scoffs, going off-tangent with a clumsiness that matches the budding tint of pink that's rising to his cheeks. "You're not  _ actually  _ thinking that any of that is cute."

"I don't know," Sakusa does a half-hearted shrug. "Maybe it would be nice. Having to share all that with a person you care for, I mean.”

Somehow the distinct nonchalance of those words causes something to twist inside Atsumu. Perhaps it's the fact that they've been dating for over three months and have yet to cross any physical boundaries. Atsumu at first tells himself it's out of consideration for Sakusa who everyone in the team is quite careful around when it comes to casual touches. Even simple high-fives are out of the question and Atsumu takes meticulous note of it all when they started dating. 

Over time, however, the friction between them (or rather the lack of it) causes the setter to start doing mental gymnastics, second-guessing whether or not he should have done anything like a side hug or even the most basic level of showcasing affection--holding hands. And each time he plans on asking Sakusa, his mind flip-flops and it turns into a messy internal debate.  _ You should just know, idiot. You suck at this. How are you actually someone's boyfriend?  _

It's complicated. It's never been this complicated for him before.

Atsumu takes a cautious stab at unravelling these complications. "Did you want me to touch you? I mean--"

"You can hold my hand," Sakusa says quickly and Atsumu makes out the blooming shade of red on the tips of his ears. "I'm okay with that."

"You sure?" Atsumu starts to unconsciously fiddle with his own hands. "We don't have to do this if you don't want to, Omi-kun."

"Maybe I want to," Sakusa huffs. He squeezes his eyes shut for a split-second before he exhales deeply and pulls off his face mask. 

He's blushing.

"And maybe I want to do something a bit more."

Atsumu feels his throat constricting. He's never been in a situation like this before.  _ Complicated _ . To be offered a chance to engage in physical intimacy in his first ever relationship.  _ Complicated _ . It's daunting. It's thrilling.  _ It's complicated _ .

And maybe it doesn't have to be.

The setter looks at his own hands. Calloused and a much more distinct shade of light tan compared to Sakusa's pale ivory pair. He reaches one hand out slowly and closes it over Sakusa's right one. It's cold, he notices. And immediately he squeezes it before interlacing his fingers with Sakusa's own slender ones.

"I've never really held hands with anyone before," Atsumu breaks through the silence, fearing it would eventually lead to an awkwardness he wouldn't be able to stand.

"Me neither," Sakusa responds bluntly. He focuses on where their hands are connected, blushing even harder until his cheeks are a much darker shade of pink. 

Atsumu couldn't contain the chuckle that slips out of him at the sight of his boyfriend--over six feet tall and one of the most intimidating division 1 wing spikers in the nation--turn red with teen-like bashfulness.

"You're so cute," Atsumu says. "I think if you blush even more, you're going to pass out."

"Really?" Sakusa utters a bit breathlessly. A stray curl brushes his forehead once he looks up and Atsumu wants to push it out of the way so he can have an excuse to touch him a little bit more.

"Yeah," And Atsumu extends his free hand to graze at the impudent lock of hair. It surprises him that Sakusa manages to stay still and this emboldens him to push the boundary just the tiniest bit. And so he makes contact with Sakusa's forehead, finger tracing the moles that adorn the smooth skin.

The movie continues to play in the background, but neither Atsumu nor Sakusa are paying it even an ounce of attention. They're swallowed up entirely in the presence of the other person, the blood coursing through their veins already white hot with every anticipated movement.

"It's so annoying," Sakusa speaks softly, a juxtaposition to the words he has strung together.

"Hmmm?" Atsumu instantly withdraws his hand from Sakusa's forehead, but the latter was quick enough to snatch the setter's wrist before he completely pulls it away.

"I was trying to say," Sakusa continues as he brings Atsumu's hand to his cheek. "That it's so annoying that you're good-looking and talented, but you're insufferable and you have no inside voice and your jokes are seriously unfunny and somehow I've managed to find all that attractive."

All the air seems to escape Atsumu's lungs at once. In the three months they've dated, they've never reached a point where cheesy sentimentalities were exchanged between them. In fact, the very confession Atsumu made before Sakusa was as stupidly hurried and awkward as it could get. No eye-contact, poor choice of words blurted out without any spare regard for romance. It was like Atsumu was a middle school boy stumbling over himself in an attempt to get his crush to know how he feels. Hell, even the "dates" they've gone on since has always involved the very sport they play--two hours of conditioning at the gym, jogging at night, watching a match on TV or on someone's laptop.

The romantic shift either of them had expected was but a whisper, so faint, so profoundly subtle that on occasion worry would roil deep within them. Were the trysts instigated between them still too friendly? Was it a mistake to have pursued this too soon? Always speculative and wary, walking on eggshells when all the eggs have always been in their tray.

But in this very moment, as Atsumu cradles Sakusa's warm cheek in the rough palm of his hand, he feels a surge of affection overwhelm him like the rushing tide that greets the coast at dawn. 

He lets his thumb draw circles on Sakusa's soft skin, still pink from his incessant blushing. 

"You said something about wanting to do something more," Atsumu whispers. "Tell me."

Sakusa shuffles closer and Atsumu can tell it's taking everything out of him, every sliver of courage urging him to just keep pushing. And their faces are finally a mere inches apart and Atsumu still has his one hand cupping Sakusa's cheek. They're venturing further down dangerous territory and the sensations exploding at every single one of their nerve endings is almost too much to bear.

Without warning, Sakusa raises his other hand and he gingerly lets his fingers curl around Atsumu's nape. 

"This is going to be the worst idea I've ever had," Sakusa says weakly.

It's not dramatic like the one in the movie they were supposed to be watching. It's not a frenzied encounter of sure mouths and passionate clutches of fingers against clothes. Instead, it's quiet. Heavy on hesitation like the act of peering from the edge of a cliff and deciding whether or not to take the leap of faith. 

Safe to say they did that autumn evening when Sakusa leans much closer until their breaths dance together in what wink of space that remains between them. Sakusa doesn't go for it like Atsumu had nervously anticipated, heart wild like a thunderstorm against his ribcage. Instead he pulls back a fraction of an inch before finally landing a soft kiss on the corner of Atsumu's mouth. 

"Was that okay?" Sakusa asks him after pulling back.

The setter nods, slightly dumbfounded. He manages to shake off the dizzying flurry of emotions to allow a speck of clarity to intervene. "Although I gotta tell you, that was my first kiss so I have zero say on what's good or bad."

"Hmmm," Sakusa leans back completely and his hand has now shifted from the back of Atsumu's head to his shoulder. "How about this then?"

The second one is a complete opposite of the first one. Sakusa dives in quicker, smooth and graceful as he plants a kiss with a bit more force on Atsumu's lips. The faintest wet sound when they part mingles with the other hushed cacophony of noises in the room. 

"I give that one a 5 out of 5 stars," Atsumu manages to squeak out.

"You, on the other hand, 2 out of 5," Sakusa says plainly. "Too much nerves, Miya. Loosen up."

Atsumu can't believe what he's hearing and he gawks at his boyfriend who has extracted himself completely from his hold, his fingers no longer skimming his flesh but has instead landed on the laptop trackpad as he closes the media player on the screen. But in the end, he can't fool Atsumu entirely. The blush has not left the bridge of his nose and there's a palpable nervous energy to him that Atsumu finds particularly endearing.

"You're deflecting," Atsumu teases. "You're getting shy." 

The wing spiker stills then he scrunches his face into some sort of scowl. Atsumu braces himself for the imminent tongue-lashing, but instead his boyfriend's gaze seems transfixed on a spot on the sleek monitor of the laptop.

"I'm trying to hold myself back," Sakusa murmurs.

This wasn't the response Atsumu had been expecting and bewilderment crosses his face. "What are you even talking about, Omi-kun?"

The wing spiker cards his fingers through the dark curls on his head. He takes a deep breath before exhaling it through gritted teeth.

"Your scar," Sakusa says suddenly. "On your stomach. I've always been curious about it."

"What?"

"How did you get it?" Sakusa presses, wavering gaze landing on the setter. "Can you tell me about it?"

To say that Atsumu was definitely confused would be an understatement, but after considering his boyfriend's conscious efforts, he relents and doesn't question the intentions behind the inquiry any further.

Atsumu raises the hem of his shirt just enough so that the mangled line of tissue peeks out, embossed on toned flesh. "I actually got appendicitis when I was a kid. I think I was 12 or 13 when I had it removed. My appendix, that is."

"Did it hurt?" Sakusa asks.

"Nah," Atsumu runs his finger over the scar, examining it with an odd nostalgia of someone flipping through photo albums. "I got hurt a lot when I was a kid. All that running and climbing I did with 'Samu caused me plenty of injuries. Had a high pain tolerance at that point."

"Can I touch it?" Sakusa says softly. 

All the blood immediately rushes to Atsumu's head and he's painfully aware of the blistering heat that's very much evident already on his cheeks as a result. 

"Ummm, yeah," Atsumu raises the hem of his shirt a bit higher and somehow the simple act alone makes him a bit lightheaded. "If it doesn't gross you out or anything."

"I've always wanted to touch it," The words come out of Sakusa so naturally, dripping with an honesty that makes Atsumu feel inexplicably hot.

The tender way Sakusa's fingers skim across the scar almost makes Atsumu flinch, but he exercises utmost restraint and so he manages to stay still even when Sakusa's feather-light touch increases moderately in pressure and his fingers have travelled to the spot just above the scar itself. 

"I have never wanted to do this with anyone before," Sakusa confesses absentmindedly, the tips of his fingers drawing lazy patterns on Atsumu's taut skin. "To touch and feel. It's honestly rather frightening."

"You don't have to hide these things from me, Omi-kun…"

Sakusa looks up and when he locks eyes with Atsumu, he looks so amusingly shy, but there is an unmistakable warmth that radiates from his pair of bright browns.

"I'm no expert on any of these things so I'm just as scared shitless," Atsumu admits with a chuckle, his right hand coming down to grasp Sakusa's left one. "I guess we can be scared together."

A switch goes off inside Sakusa and he captures Atsumu's mouth yet again with his. The kiss is deeper and it lasts a bit longer and when they pull apart, the sound emitted is also more scandalous. 

Atsumu licks his bottom lip before breaking out into a wide smile. "That one was a 10 out of 5 stars."

"You truly are an insufferable idiot," Sakusa bristles. 

"An insufferable idiot you want to touch and kiss," Atsumu points out with a playful smirk.

And on a rare instance, Sakusa doesn't feel prompted to come up with a retort. Instead, he just presses his forehead against Atsumu's. He's never felt more simultaneously afraid and at peace.

"Just be quiet for one fucking second," Sakusa whispers. He feels firm arms wrap themselves around his frame, drawing him near so there's nothing but Atsumu's heartbeat, Atsumu's breathing.

"For you," Atsumu tells him. "I'll do anything for you."

It's complicated and difficult and it will get messy, but Atsumu has always been a fast-learner. For one Sakusa Kiyoomi, Atsumu is more than willing to learn in the time it took to fall in love with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow lol I finally wrote some fluffy SakuAtsu because I think they're very very cute and deserve some cute cheesy nonsense. Anyway thank you for reading and I know this was quite short since I was in a writing rut and I just wanted to write something to get out of said rut. Hope you good folks still enjoy this uwu.


End file.
